simplicity...

there are days like these that come around every so often ...days that make me wonder if what i'm feeling are true desires buried deep by the chaos of life. johnny mentions it every so often...about living more simple.

most would look at our life and think.. "hmm, aren't you living simple? you got a pretty regular sized home, no car payments, a mut dog, not much glim/glamer around ..etc" but when i sit down and really evaluate our life...i get exaughsted and overwhelmed just talking about what all there is to do and how much it all costs.

today- i wanted out. out of work... out of a mortgage...out of the 9-5 schedule .. out of diabetes (the major need of health insurance)...out of jacksonville...out of most friendships...out of never being content (ha..hence my issues) but i wanted IN...to stay inside with my husband, baby boy and dog. i wanted into the simple life. why is it those that CAN have it...choose to fill up their lives? then those of us who CAN'T have it..wanted it so much.

whose to say we can't ? could we quit our jobs, sell our house, find new jobs, live in a cheap place in ocala, work part time jobs while Johnny stays in school somehow- find jobs with health insurance good enough where we're not paying $300 for diabetes supplies? its overwhelming to think about. when i do i usally quit in the middle and go back to the task at hand. working hard to pay bills, save money...and enjoy the life the Lord has provided. except- for us- we want so much more. we want to give it away...we want to go and serve....and those desires are being smothered out by this need to succeed in some way. to look good to others. to be educated and use the education...to want the things that were never meant to satisfy.

Now..all i want is Christ..my family and enough to get by and love others with. less bills, less complications...less movement...less of a schedule.. more time to use wisely. Lord, help us to number our days.

"Come ye needy, come and welcome
God's free bounty glorify;
true belief and true repentance;
every grace that brings you nigh;
without money- without money
come to Jesus Christ and buy "