I've re-started my reading of this book written by N.T. Wright. The title of the book is what draws me to read it...especially at this point of my life. He lays out three ways in which he characterizing the new problem of evil.
First, we ignore evil when it doesn't hit us in the face.
Second, we are surprised by evil when it does.
Third, we react in immature and dangerous ways as a result
Going on he remarks about some of the immature/dangerous ways:
" We can project evil out on to others, generating a culture of blame....
alternatively, we can project evil onto ourselves and imagine we are to blame for it all."
Im confronted with evil everyday of my life...we all are. regardless if we call it for what it is...evil is present. many have delicately carved new words to define evil - personality flaws, natural reactions and so on. this is not my problem. in fact the total opposite is my problem and this book speaks to mine as well. im paralyzed by my understanding of evil. i see it so often and realize it in my own heart so much that i cannot live and move.
im am confused on how to "love" people who are undeserving of it. by that I don't mean the poor and lowely..i mean the selfish and prideful...how do you love those people? isn't justice what is needed? don't they need someone to knock them off their pedestal? but its not supposed to be me is it? so instead I'll just complain about them behind their back and try to ignore them and the issues they bring up...because #1 I dont have time for them and #2 i dont really believe they will ever change- therefore wasting my time.
so what is God's answer for this? i'm not quite sure. the scriptures seem to show me that the prideful and selfish will be cast down...Jesus handles them delicately but boldly. i think of the pharisees and how he always shows grace to the humble but opposes the proud. but is this how i am to treat others or am i one of the pharisees that needs to be opposed?
i know the way i'm handling it cannot be the right way since it is doing no benefit for anyone and is in fact damaging me spiritually, emotionally and i fear even physically.
I again relate with paul in romans 8..the good i want to do i cant do but what i dont want to do this is what i keep doing. who will save me from this body of death? The Lord Jesus Christ.
Im excited to finally finish this book and to learn more about my own heart through it. more updates coming soon!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
simplicity...
there are days like these that come around every so often ...days that make me wonder if what i'm feeling are true desires buried deep by the chaos of life. johnny mentions it every so often...about living more simple.
most would look at our life and think.. "hmm, aren't you living simple? you got a pretty regular sized home, no car payments, a mut dog, not much glim/glamer around ..etc" but when i sit down and really evaluate our life...i get exaughsted and overwhelmed just talking about what all there is to do and how much it all costs.
today- i wanted out. out of work... out of a mortgage...out of the 9-5 schedule .. out of diabetes (the major need of health insurance)...out of jacksonville...out of most friendships...out of never being content (ha..hence my issues) but i wanted IN...to stay inside with my husband, baby boy and dog. i wanted into the simple life. why is it those that CAN have it...choose to fill up their lives? then those of us who CAN'T have it..wanted it so much.
whose to say we can't ? could we quit our jobs, sell our house, find new jobs, live in a cheap place in ocala, work part time jobs while Johnny stays in school somehow- find jobs with health insurance good enough where we're not paying $300 for diabetes supplies? its overwhelming to think about. when i do i usally quit in the middle and go back to the task at hand. working hard to pay bills, save money...and enjoy the life the Lord has provided. except- for us- we want so much more. we want to give it away...we want to go and serve....and those desires are being smothered out by this need to succeed in some way. to look good to others. to be educated and use the education...to want the things that were never meant to satisfy.
Now..all i want is Christ..my family and enough to get by and love others with. less bills, less complications...less movement...less of a schedule.. more time to use wisely. Lord, help us to number our days.
"Come ye needy, come and welcome
God's free bounty glorify;
true belief and true repentance;
every grace that brings you nigh;
without money- without money
come to Jesus Christ and buy "
most would look at our life and think.. "hmm, aren't you living simple? you got a pretty regular sized home, no car payments, a mut dog, not much glim/glamer around ..etc" but when i sit down and really evaluate our life...i get exaughsted and overwhelmed just talking about what all there is to do and how much it all costs.
today- i wanted out. out of work... out of a mortgage...out of the 9-5 schedule .. out of diabetes (the major need of health insurance)...out of jacksonville...out of most friendships...out of never being content (ha..hence my issues) but i wanted IN...to stay inside with my husband, baby boy and dog. i wanted into the simple life. why is it those that CAN have it...choose to fill up their lives? then those of us who CAN'T have it..wanted it so much.
whose to say we can't ? could we quit our jobs, sell our house, find new jobs, live in a cheap place in ocala, work part time jobs while Johnny stays in school somehow- find jobs with health insurance good enough where we're not paying $300 for diabetes supplies? its overwhelming to think about. when i do i usally quit in the middle and go back to the task at hand. working hard to pay bills, save money...and enjoy the life the Lord has provided. except- for us- we want so much more. we want to give it away...we want to go and serve....and those desires are being smothered out by this need to succeed in some way. to look good to others. to be educated and use the education...to want the things that were never meant to satisfy.
Now..all i want is Christ..my family and enough to get by and love others with. less bills, less complications...less movement...less of a schedule.. more time to use wisely. Lord, help us to number our days.
"Come ye needy, come and welcome
God's free bounty glorify;
true belief and true repentance;
every grace that brings you nigh;
without money- without money
come to Jesus Christ and buy "
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
another blog about time..
i realize i spend a lot of time reminiscing about memories- good and bad. and today's ease of typing blogs and viewing old entries makes it hard to escape feelings of the past. yesterday evening i spent some time reading my old livejournal, and old myspace comments. not sure what got me to do that..but my brain wandered to past things and i thought ..hmm this may be fun.
what i realized was the preposterous things i thought, felt and even said were embarrassing and sometimes even shameful. of course there is always some very fun/funny things such as comments from friends and from Johnny that are just classic. but the lame things i wrote about...the ignorance that pervaded much of my complaining is just sickening.
so what can i make of all that. today, when my spiritual hunger and thirst is not what it was once..I can have hope that God has been sanctifying me all this time...and its only by His Word and His people that this has happened. hurts, trials, tempatations and the like have only proved to draw me closer to Him and to purge the dross in my refining.
still its so funny to read how blatantly obvious some of my "secret" feelings about people were written about (good and bad) and how passively aggressive i handled situations. i'm thankful for my husband and for the realization of things i never thought would happen-as i so stated in much of my ramblings.
Lord, thank you for the past and what it can teach us...but thank you even more for the present and future so that we can continue to rely on Your words and Your providences to sustain us.
what i realized was the preposterous things i thought, felt and even said were embarrassing and sometimes even shameful. of course there is always some very fun/funny things such as comments from friends and from Johnny that are just classic. but the lame things i wrote about...the ignorance that pervaded much of my complaining is just sickening.
so what can i make of all that. today, when my spiritual hunger and thirst is not what it was once..I can have hope that God has been sanctifying me all this time...and its only by His Word and His people that this has happened. hurts, trials, tempatations and the like have only proved to draw me closer to Him and to purge the dross in my refining.
still its so funny to read how blatantly obvious some of my "secret" feelings about people were written about (good and bad) and how passively aggressive i handled situations. i'm thankful for my husband and for the realization of things i never thought would happen-as i so stated in much of my ramblings.
Lord, thank you for the past and what it can teach us...but thank you even more for the present and future so that we can continue to rely on Your words and Your providences to sustain us.
Friday, June 10, 2011
baggage...
you know its a sad day when you can acquire more deep spiritual lessons from a tv show than from a christian song.
today, as i turned on the Christian music station, as i often do to hear a couple songs I like here and there, i was greeted by one of those "song in the background while the singer goes into detail about what the song is about," moments. i have no idea who the singer is or what the song is called...probably called baggage.
she went on and on about how the baggage we hold onto in our lives keeps us from truly knowing God and enjoying what He has given us and all we have to do is "let go of our baggage." this "just do it" mentally is really starting to urk me. (more on that later)
immediately my mind shifted to an episode of "how i met your mother," i viewed recently. You see this epidsode was also called, "baggage," except it was about looking for a mate and discovering that somewhere along the line you'll find the baggage they've been holding on to. at first it brings out weariness inside, claiming that everyone has baggage and it will always ruin the relationship so why even try. but towards the end Ted (star of the show) discovers that one of his new "prospects" isn't the only one with baggage, but he himself is the one holding on to it. The "baggage" shows up in physical form as suitcases next to each of them with writing on the sides describes what kind of messes they've found themselves in and how they are still burdened by those messes. Instead of them throwing these "bags" to the side they pick the other's up and continue walking together.
That's right. They don't walk away. They don't pretend to get rid of them, as if it is that easy. They instead "bare each others weight." of course the show ends with humor as the girl continues to go on as she is roommates with her brother and they sleep in the same bed and she ends up having slightly crazier "baggage" than he thought. But the principle is still evident.
I found more spiritual application from that show than from the lame description of "baggage" from this christian artist. I'm sure she meant no harm, but really what does "just let go of your baggage" even mean. I'm sick of hearing so called "christians" act like its just something you manage to get the energy and strength to do. in reality it looks more like "how I met your mother."
The "baggage" we carry is with us forever. We don't just let go and forget it, but we live with it. Spouses, family and friends help us by "picking up our suitcases" of luggage. This is how the burden is lifted, by allowing others to carry it for us, and accepting us despite the messiness of it all.
The main point being, Christ is truly the one who lifts up our baggage. He who carried it to the cross, who carries it now, and who will carry it to completion. The baggage we carry does not keep us from Christ, it drives us in despair to Him, the only one who can truly bare our burdens and give us true and complete joy.
Our baggage does not leave us. We are a mess. Thank God He is strong and can carry every ounce of it.
today, as i turned on the Christian music station, as i often do to hear a couple songs I like here and there, i was greeted by one of those "song in the background while the singer goes into detail about what the song is about," moments. i have no idea who the singer is or what the song is called...probably called baggage.
she went on and on about how the baggage we hold onto in our lives keeps us from truly knowing God and enjoying what He has given us and all we have to do is "let go of our baggage." this "just do it" mentally is really starting to urk me. (more on that later)
immediately my mind shifted to an episode of "how i met your mother," i viewed recently. You see this epidsode was also called, "baggage," except it was about looking for a mate and discovering that somewhere along the line you'll find the baggage they've been holding on to. at first it brings out weariness inside, claiming that everyone has baggage and it will always ruin the relationship so why even try. but towards the end Ted (star of the show) discovers that one of his new "prospects" isn't the only one with baggage, but he himself is the one holding on to it. The "baggage" shows up in physical form as suitcases next to each of them with writing on the sides describes what kind of messes they've found themselves in and how they are still burdened by those messes. Instead of them throwing these "bags" to the side they pick the other's up and continue walking together.
That's right. They don't walk away. They don't pretend to get rid of them, as if it is that easy. They instead "bare each others weight." of course the show ends with humor as the girl continues to go on as she is roommates with her brother and they sleep in the same bed and she ends up having slightly crazier "baggage" than he thought. But the principle is still evident.
I found more spiritual application from that show than from the lame description of "baggage" from this christian artist. I'm sure she meant no harm, but really what does "just let go of your baggage" even mean. I'm sick of hearing so called "christians" act like its just something you manage to get the energy and strength to do. in reality it looks more like "how I met your mother."
The "baggage" we carry is with us forever. We don't just let go and forget it, but we live with it. Spouses, family and friends help us by "picking up our suitcases" of luggage. This is how the burden is lifted, by allowing others to carry it for us, and accepting us despite the messiness of it all.
The main point being, Christ is truly the one who lifts up our baggage. He who carried it to the cross, who carries it now, and who will carry it to completion. The baggage we carry does not keep us from Christ, it drives us in despair to Him, the only one who can truly bare our burdens and give us true and complete joy.
Our baggage does not leave us. We are a mess. Thank God He is strong and can carry every ounce of it.
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